I can't. I should be able to, should be, should be able to. But I can't.
stop eating Gummy Bears
do my laundry
say what I really want to say
talk to you
let you win
be with you
pretend I'm fine
because I am pissed off and I only half-know why. And because you are so fucking far away.
bear linear, flat, monotonous estate of things
stop imagining pills disintegrating inside my body
tear off the curtains, make a tomb out of my walls
scream loud enough
walk around 'til I faint
wait for imaginary friends to show me the way
fly off to nowhere
understand how to make it stop
put all the fragments back in place
because I am a civilized human being. But the freak inside of me wish I could.